(Jump to Chat 1, Chat 2, Chat 3, Chat 4)
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What happens when a Rape Survivor collaborates with an Abortion Survivor as they strive for healing and recovery? |
Hi, I'm Miriam. I was raped and had an abortion in my teenage years.
Ms. Vulgar Buzz is an abortion survivor.
We have both had our share of trauma.
Our unlikely collaboration began when I discovered TheVulgarBuzz.com in 2023. I was intrigued because of my own experience. Read more about that here.
My girlfriends and I developed "What Would Female Fetuses Say?" (WWFFS.net) in September of 2024 as a result of pondering Ms. Vulgar Buzz's work for several months.
The Vulgar Buzz site disappeared in fall of 2023 and though we had tried to reach out to the site creator many times, she had covered her tracks well. We never connected. Until...
In December of 2024 we realized that 'TheVulgarBuzz.com' domain was available and we immediately bought it and pointed it to one of our web pages (Who Wuzz Vulgar Buzz?).
BAM!
Within 24 hours we had received an email from Ms. Vulgar Buzz herself. Read more about that here.
After exchanging a few emails we realized we needed to chat on the phone. We both agreed that it would be a good idea to record it, transcribe it and post it for all to see. We posted our first conversation here and below you will see our third conversation.
(Jump to Chat 1, Chat 2, Chat 3, Chat 4)
Miriam and Ms. Vulgar Buzz Have Their Fourth Chat on the Phone
In this chat Miriam goes into more details of her own story, also, Buzz and Miriam agree on their intent.
(Recorded and transcribed January 8, 2025)
Buzz: Hey Miriam!
Miriam: Hello once again, Buzz!
Buzz: You doing ok over there state-side?
Miriam: Doing well, how are things on the Emerald Isle?
Buzz: Really cold here right now, but it won't last long. Supposed to rain by Friday.
Miriam: Yeah, winter is just settling in here, we'll be under freezing temps for quite a while I think. So what do you want to chat about this time?
Buzz: Well, I’ve been thinking since our last chat, and I’m wondering if you’d be willing to share more about your experience. If it is still too much, I get it, so no pressure.
Miriam: Well, you've seen the basics on the website I assume…
Buzz: Yes, that you were raped and then had an abortion… also that the pro-life community has really been compassionate to you as well as your pastor and husband… helping you work through all of it.
Miriam: Yeah, that's the basic outline. So to be a bit more specific, I was 16 and my Uncle molested and raped me. I think my case is really rare because we prosecuted him and he served time for it. Of course that didn't do anything for the situation I was in because I… <pausing…> conceived. I was a virgin before so there was no mistaking it was .. It was his child. <more pause and quiet>.
Buzz: I'm so sorry Miriam, we don't have to…
Miriam: No, I'm ok, I just haven't talked about these specifics in a while… but I think I should tell you and we should, well, you're just being so kind to me, even though this was the same situation your mom went through…
Buzz: Remember Miriam I hold no ill will toward you… I've worked through most of my anger now and only want to bring awareness of our stories… our trauma… to whoever reads this so they can, you know… see that we can be good to one another even with our seemingly contrasting backdrops.
"...there are so many seemingly logical reasons to erase that whole experience any way you can… to do everything in your power to forget it… and the presence of the child absolutely prohibits that…"
Miriam: Right. It is worth it for that at least. Thanks Buzz. So, yeah, my parents are not especially in either the pro-choice or pro-life camp so it was really up to me what I wanted to do. I had some exposure to Christianity through my friends and I was pretty sure that for the most part Christians were pro-life. But… as you can imagine… being pregnant with the child of someone you were… not a willing participant with is … well there are so many seemingly logical reasons to erase that whole experience any way you can… to do everything in your power to forget it… and the presence of the child absolutely prohibits that…
Buzz: For sure…
Miriam: And I had friends that supported me no matter what my decision but this one girlfriend at the time had already had an abortion and she was pretty sure I had to abort just to keep my own sanity. I don't want to put blame on her, but it was surely a significant influence… and of course, her voice mixed with the voice… with many other women who agreed completely and even more vehemently with her, some of them terrible and cruel. For me it was simply the prevalent views of our culture that won out: it isn't really a baby... it's just a clump of cells... it's not really a person until after so many months in the womb, etc.
Buzz: Yes, of course, standard reasoning in our global culture now…
Miriam: So in my 16th week I scheduled it and had it done. It just so happened there was a prayer vigil outside the clinic when I arrived and that almost turned me back, but I went through with it. I did ask for the gender for some reason and they told me it was a female fetus. Later on I named her Emma… <long pause>
Buzz: Take your time Miriam…
Miriam: Its just that… well, I just think that maybe if I'd seen something like the memes we are creating… maybe just… I mean some people react to VBO vulgarity like its just the most awful thing… but that is kind of how so many of my friends just talked on a daily basis, it was just part of our vocabulary and yeah, it was sometimes like a punch in the gut when someone dropped an f-bomb… or a slap in the face… but it did get your attention at least and I just think maybe I'd have paused and thought it through a bit more…
Buzz: I know exactly what you mean there and I created those images to speak to my friends who talk that way often so it would not only be in a language they were familiar with but like you imply here… using words that command a bit more attention than what's allowed in civil discourse.
Buzz: For sure…
Miriam: And I had friends that supported me no matter what my decision but this one girlfriend at the time had already had an abortion and she was pretty sure I had to abort just to keep my own sanity. I don't want to put blame on her, but it was surely a significant influence… and of course, her voice mixed with the voice… with many other women who agreed completely and even more vehemently with her, some of them terrible and cruel. For me it was simply the prevalent views of our culture that won out: it isn't really a baby... it's just a clump of cells... it's not really a person until after so many months in the womb, etc.
Buzz: Yes, of course, standard reasoning in our global culture now…
Miriam: So in my 16th week I scheduled it and had it done. It just so happened there was a prayer vigil outside the clinic when I arrived and that almost turned me back, but I went through with it. I did ask for the gender for some reason and they told me it was a female fetus. Later on I named her Emma… <long pause>
Buzz: Take your time Miriam…
Miriam: Its just that… well, I just think that maybe if I'd seen something like the memes we are creating… maybe just… I mean some people react to VBO vulgarity like its just the most awful thing… but that is kind of how so many of my friends just talked on a daily basis, it was just part of our vocabulary and yeah, it was sometimes like a punch in the gut when someone dropped an f-bomb… or a slap in the face… but it did get your attention at least and I just think maybe I'd have paused and thought it through a bit more…
Buzz: I know exactly what you mean there and I created those images to speak to my friends who talk that way often so it would not only be in a language they were familiar with but like you imply here… using words that command a bit more attention than what's allowed in civil discourse.
"Enough violence is being done daily to tiny humans… 200,000 of them every single day… I don't want any more violence… I want all the violence to stop! It is just insane!"
Miriam: Yes… I've heard feedback on our site that people think we are trying to incite violence… like we're trying to stir up rage in people so that violent things will be done to the pro-choice movement… but that is not my intent at all! Enough violence is being done daily to tiny humans… 200,000 of them every single day… I don't want any more violence… I want all the violence to stop! It is just insane!
Buzz: I know Miriam, I know… my girlfriends and I received the same feedback during the brief time our site was up and running. We want the violence to STOP in no uncertain terms. We don't want even one more tiny human targeted and killed for any reason… and we don't want the people that are doing the killing to be targeted and killed for the targeting and killing they are doing… We just want it all to STOP right now.
Miriam: I couldn't agree more. Just STOP this insanity…
Buzz: So, you named her Emma… who helped you with that?
Buzz: I know Miriam, I know… my girlfriends and I received the same feedback during the brief time our site was up and running. We want the violence to STOP in no uncertain terms. We don't want even one more tiny human targeted and killed for any reason… and we don't want the people that are doing the killing to be targeted and killed for the targeting and killing they are doing… We just want it all to STOP right now.
Miriam: I couldn't agree more. Just STOP this insanity…
Buzz: So, you named her Emma… who helped you with that?
"...the pro-life community here was just so compassionate... I connected with some of these people and they were so gentle and caring for me. There was one of them especially who'd also had an abortion and she was of course very empathetic... They just lavished me with so much love!"
Miriam: Yes... I know this is crazy but the pro-life community here was just so compassionate. After the abortion I'd started going to Church with one of my girlfriends and one time they had a table in the entryway with people handing out flyers for a prayer vigil by the same clinic I'd had my abortion at. I connected with some of these people and they were so gentle and caring for me. There was one of them especially who'd also had an abortion and she was of course very empathetic to so much of what I was feeling. They just lavished me with so much love!
Buzz: I've seen some of that too here in Ireland. Very compassionate people… not the way they are portrayed by the media for sure.
Miriam: So, they helped me give Emma her name and by doing that I started to give her her humanity back… and that was such a healing time. They, along with the pastor at the Church assured me of being forgiven by God because they could see my remorse visibly and knew I'd asked for forgiveness… and further, they assured me that Emma had forgiven me too… though I've been really reluctant to accept that truth until my first chat with you Buzz.
Buzz: Glad to be of service!
Miriam: Thank you so much for your kindness…
Buzz: You're so welcome.
Miriam: So as you've probably guessed, I continued with that Church. I met my husband there and we were married in my early 20s. Elias was also very empathetic and compassionate regarding Emma. We settled down near Hartford and have been raising our family here now for almost 10 years.
Buzz: Miriam, thank you so much for getting that on record. I just know it is going to help people!
Miriam: Well, I hope so… I mean, I don't think I'd have spoken this openly if I didn't think it would help someone.
Buzz: It will, I just know it.
Miriam: So I do need to get going Buzz and I have to tell you, it may be a while before I can chat again, I'm diving back into my dissertation in the next couple months here and with family life and Church and everything…
Buzz: No need to explain… our next chat will happen exactly when it is supposed to happen!
Buzz: I've seen some of that too here in Ireland. Very compassionate people… not the way they are portrayed by the media for sure.
Miriam: So, they helped me give Emma her name and by doing that I started to give her her humanity back… and that was such a healing time. They, along with the pastor at the Church assured me of being forgiven by God because they could see my remorse visibly and knew I'd asked for forgiveness… and further, they assured me that Emma had forgiven me too… though I've been really reluctant to accept that truth until my first chat with you Buzz.
Buzz: Glad to be of service!
Miriam: Thank you so much for your kindness…
Buzz: You're so welcome.
Miriam: So as you've probably guessed, I continued with that Church. I met my husband there and we were married in my early 20s. Elias was also very empathetic and compassionate regarding Emma. We settled down near Hartford and have been raising our family here now for almost 10 years.
Buzz: Miriam, thank you so much for getting that on record. I just know it is going to help people!
Miriam: Well, I hope so… I mean, I don't think I'd have spoken this openly if I didn't think it would help someone.
Buzz: It will, I just know it.
Miriam: So I do need to get going Buzz and I have to tell you, it may be a while before I can chat again, I'm diving back into my dissertation in the next couple months here and with family life and Church and everything…
Buzz: No need to explain… our next chat will happen exactly when it is supposed to happen!
Miriam: Precisely… as Gandalf would say: "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." <laughter>
Buzz: <Laughing> Wizards… I love it.
Buzz: <Laughing> Wizards… I love it.
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